I'm so tired of Lyme, I'm so tired

I have been trying so hard to stay positive, to stay strong, to stay focused on treating Lyme so that I can get better.  But I'm so tired.  I feel like all I ever do is talk about Lyme and take pills, and try to mitigate symptoms.  I'm tired of living my life.  

I don't want to sleep because at night is when I'm usually in the least amount of pain, and the nights when I dream Lyme dreams, I don't really rest anyway.  I don't want to wake up because I don't want to take a million pills, starting with when I get out of bed and eat.  I don't want to eat because it makes me nauseous.  My pills make me nauseous and then I spend a large part of the day dashing into the bathroom.  The best moments of late are those that I can forget I'm alive, when I'm zoned out watching something that takes me away from here, or I'm unconscious.  

I am not suicidal at all, I just don't want to keep living this way.  I'm tired of being miserable.  I'm tired of taking pills.  I'm tired of feeling like I can't do anything around doctor visits and spending the day in the bathroom.  I'm tired of being unsupported.  I'm tired of feeling so fucking alone.  

I'm genuinely not living.  I'm barely surviving and I don't know how long I can do it.  

As if that's not enough I've also found out that my Cat has cancer.  So not only am I miserable, he soon will be and then I'll lose him.  How is one person supposed to survive all of this?  I feel very alone and hopeless just now.