Jane Austen's Lady Susan - Movie Adaptation Love and Friendship

Published posthumously, Lady Susan is a short epistolary novella written by Jane Austen.  Without giving too much away, the plot involves a rather calculating Lady Susan, a widow.  Lady Susan is clever and charming.  She's so clever and charming that she manages to walk through her life and create eddies of chaos around her as she goes.  She's a widow of incredible beauty and intelligence and is on a mission to secure her future by finding a husband for herself and her reluctant daughter Frederica.  

Love and Friendship is a 2016 film adaptation of Lady Susan.  

Love and Friendship 2016 - Kate Beckinsale 

Simply put this movie is amazing.  Lady Susan played by the incomparable Kate Beckinsale who sweeps us away in this incredible role.  I cackled out loud at least three separate times.  The audacity, the pluck, the charm!  Lady Susan is not your typical Jane Austen heroine.  She doesn't sit around politely doing all the right things and waiting for an unjust world to miraculously yield a happy ending to her.  Lady Susan goes out into the world with determination, and with nothing but cunning, wit, and charm, demands the world yield to her.  It is a delightful thing to watch her charm and scheme her way into and out of situations.  

Every time you see her unique reasoning and wording popping out of someone else's mouth you know that she has gotten under their skin and won them over to her cause.  It's simply delightful.  I rather enjoyed watching Lady Susan wrap men around her fingers and get her way.  

Slightly untraditionally for a Jane Austen novel, Lady Susan is not punished for her bad behavior and impropriety.  Yet, don't despair, the other characters still get happy endings as one has come to expect from Jane Austen novels.   

The cinematography was gorgeous.  The clothes and locations are all perfection.  Kate Beckinsale is perfection in this role.  Even knowing all her mischievous schemes, we still want her to succeed, and this is largely due to the charm that Kate Beckinsale exudes in this role.  She knows how to be clever, commanding, endearing, and difficult in just the right measures.

I adore the letter reading scene with Sir Reginald DeCourcy and Lady DeCourcy.  The fact that he offers to read her the letter and doesn't seem to know that she wants to know more than the first sentence.  Then must be told not to read the punctuation.  It's so cute and random.  I love it.

This is certainly not my all-time favorite Jane Austen story, but it's so beautifully done that it ranks rather high on my list of all movie adaptations.  The only thing I wish they'd really done differently was the beginning.  I didn't love meeting the characters with title cards.  I know they were trying to establish complex relationships quickly without getting mired in too much back story.  However, I found I had to keep pausing the movie and rewinding to fully process the title cards.  I wish they'd let Kate Beckinsale simply narrate the title cards rather than have you do so much quick reading to establish the characters all at once in the beginning.  

The love interests are all exactly what one would wish them to be.  There is the brooding and still "divinely attractive man", Lord Manwaring.  There is the charming and loveable Reginald DeCourcy who we watch fall for Lady Susan and then like him the better for being appalled by her behavior, even if he is hurt.  Sir James Martin is such a dolt that you can hardly believe he exists.  But he's so amiable and funny that you can't even hate him for it.  And it leads to some delightful dialogue such as "He has offered you the one thing of value he has to give — his income."  It is accurate, cutting, rude and without mean intent.  It's simply a statement of bald facts in a way we aren't used to seeing from characters in Austen novels.  It made me cackle, rather uproariously, of course. 

Oh, and let's not forget that Stephen Fry is the husband of Lady Susan's particular friend, Alicia, an American in exile for supporting the British.  Everything Stephen Fry does is incredible and he is no less brilliant in this role, even if it is a small part of the story.  

I rather like that when we first meet Charles Vernon we get the idea that he's too simple to understand how dangerous Lady Susan is.  But as the movie goes on I think it's really him that has the clearest picture of her and is unswayed, he knows she's no good, but also still admires the way she has dealt with her misfortunes.  He may be the only one with an unbiased opinion of her.  It's marvelous.

All in all, Lady Susan is delightfully wicked, and I loved it!  If you haven't seen this movie, I highly recommend it.  I'll say no more at present.  I'll simply leave you with a handful of hilarious quotes and a collection of gorgeous stills from the movie itself.

"If she was going to be jealous she should not have married such a charming man!"

"In one's plight is one's opportunity"

"I wanted her to be delighted with me.  But I didn't succeed.  It's true I've always detested her and that before her marriage, I went to great lengths to prevent it.  Yet it shows an illiberal spirit to resent for long a plan that didn't succeed."

"There's a certain pleasure in making a person predetermined to dislike instead acknowledge one's superiority."

"The fallacy of youth. Isn't it rather clear that we, women of decision, hold the trumps?"

"Americans really have shown themselves to be a nation of ingrates.  Only by having children can one begin to understand such a dynamic."

"Our present comfortable state is of the most precarious sort.  We don't live.  We visit.  We're entirely at the mercy of our friends and relations.  As we discovered so painfully at Langford.  Here you seem to have won your aunt's affections.  I think I served you well there, for I believe she'd do anything to spite me.  But such a dynamic cannot continue forever."

"He has offered you the one thing he has of value to give - his income."

"Facts are horrid things."

"What a mistake you made marrying Mr. Johnson.  Too old to be governable.  Too young to die."

More Jane Austen

If you need even more Jane Austen Discussion in your life, here are some more posts and discussions of movie adaptations of Jane Austen.  

I have a whole page dedicated to Jane Austen where you can find my rankings of different movie adaptations and essays etc.

All Things Jane Austen

Detailed Discussions of all the Austen Movie Adaptations

To see my ranking of Every Jane Austen Movie Adaptation, go here.

For my discussion/ranking of all the Pride and Prejudice adaptations, you can go here.
For my discussion/ranking of all the Persuasion Adaptations, you can go here.
For my discussion/ranking of all the Emma Adaptations, you can go here.
For my discussion/ranking of all the Sense and Sensibility Adaptations, you can go here.
For my discussion/ranking of all the Mansfield Park Adaptations, you can go here.
For my discussion/ranking of all the Northanger Abbey Adaptations, you can go here.

For my discussion/ranking of all the "Not-Quite-Austen's" you can go here.

And now... for Bartonella Symptoms

So, I'm really confident that I actually have Babesia, and I'm pretty sure I also have Bartonella.  For a fun look at Bartonella, I'm going to list out the symptoms as presented in the article, "TOUCHED BY LYME: A close look at six Lyme-related infections."

So, here we go:

Many people have Bartonella or Bartonella-like (BLO) infections in their bodies. They are perhaps the most abundant infections in people because many veterinarians say that 80 percent of all house cats and nearly 100 percent of all hunting cats carry Bartonella microbes. Fleas bite cats and infect them with the Bartonella-like organisms, which are then transmitted to humans when they get bitten by the flea. Bartonella and BLO infections are therefore probably the most common of the vector-borne Lyme disease co-infections.

People who have active Bartonella symptoms have much more pain than people who are manifesting predominantly Babesia-related symptoms. The first thing out of their mouths is usually, “You have to help me with my pain.” They have pain in their joints and the connective tissue around their joints. This joint pain will migrate to other areas of the body. So for instance, patients with active Bartonella might have knee pain, but just when they are about to go to the doctor for the pain, the pain will migrate to the left elbow. The hallmark symptom of Bartonella is sensitivity and tenderness on the bottom of the feet, especially the soles.

I have pain mainly in my hands.  Once or twice I've had pain in my toes, a few times I've had pain in my knees.  But I almost always have pain somewhere in my hands.  Most days it's in the right hand, sometimes the left, sometimes both.  The affected fingers and joints rotate.  Migratory joint pain is not typical of arthritis.  But it's very possible that it's symptomatic of Bartonella.

Generalized pain in the body, or pain that is sharp and severe, is often related to Bartonella. Bartonella can also cause headaches and ice pick-like pain. Both Babesia and Bartonella cause headaches, but Bartonella headaches are worse. A Babesia headache produces more weird sensations in the head and pressure in the head. People with active Babesia infections will say, “I don’t know if I’d really call what I have a headache. It’s more like a pressure in the head.” Babesia can cause migraines as can Bartonella, but Babesia migraines are generally less severe.  Bartonella prefers the occipital areas of the head; the back of the head and neck are generally painful. So pain is a dominant characteristic of Bartonella.

I have pain in my neck and shoulders.  Constant, irritating, muscle pain.  Some days it's really bad, some days it's just an irritation.  But constant muscle-soreness is a problem I've dealt with for the last two years.  And no, I'm not doing anything to account for it.  I'm not sleeping weird on my pillows, or lifting tons of weights.  If I do any activity that causes slight muscle-soreness, I have disproportionately bad muscle pain.  

I defintely had intense headaches last year when I hadn't started antibiotics yet.  I currently have more of the weird pressure and "almost headaches" that sound like they are more related to Babesia than Bartonella.  But I have a lot of pain in my neck, shoulders and also my hands that I think are very likely from a Bartonella infection.  

All of these slow-growing intracellular infections affect the brain but create different symptom patterns, according to which infection is dominant or most active. I see more depression in people with active Babesia but less variability of mood, whereas people with active Bartonella may be irritable and anxious but then “flip over” into depression. Many people with Bartonella infections are misdiagnosed as having bi-polar disorder due to their fluctuating moods; they can easily go from being angry and irritable to being depressed.

I honestly don't know if my memory trouble is more Babesia or Bartonella dominant.  I'm defintely more depressed than angry.  But in the description of Babesia, the symptoms of a dominant Babesia infection included anxiety and FEAR.  I have definitely struggled with anxiety and fear this year.  But also depressino.  So, I'll leave it up to wiser persons than myself to determine of my brain fog and moodiness is related more to Babesia or to Bartonella. 

Bartonella-like organisms can also stay on the surface of the organs and tissues and cause a wide array of symptoms. One such symptom is gastritis. In fact, most cases of gastritis that aren’t caused by Helicobacter pylori infections are often caused by Bartonella, which is the second-most common cause of this condition. It can irritate the stomach so that people lose their appetite and/or get heartburn.

Well, I've definitely had trouble with symptoms that sound like gastritis.  Of course, it could be the effect of months of antibiotics in my system that is causing so much trouble.  It could also be that all my symptoms of gastritis are caused by Bartonella.  I have had a lot of trouble with loss of appetite, heartburn and nausea.  Although the nausea started before the antibiotics, so, there's a good chance it's from the infection and is in fact a symptom of Bartonella.  

Bartonella can cause a low-level, relapsing sore throat. People with active infections will periodically awaken with sore throats and wonder if they are coming down with a cold, but then the sore throat will go away.

I have been waking up with the tiniest hint of a sore throat.  This is obviously not a very good time to be wondering if you are coming down with something.  I have wondered more than once, if I've caught covid-19.  It's a little bit stressful.  To say the least.  

Bartonella irritates the bladder and can cause frequent urination, interstitial cystitis, or other chronic inflammatory conditions of the urinary system.

I don't have other problems with this, but I do have pelvic pain that occurs randomly and it's completely unconnected to my period.  So that's fun.

Bartonella can also cause fevers, but for patients to be able to run a fever, they need to have a relatively functional immune system, so not everyone who has a Bartonella infection will get a fever. Yet people will often feel hot, as if they have a fever, but their body temperature may be low normal.

I did have a very low grade fever for approximately an hour.  (During covid this is not a fun thing to experience even briefly).  I do frequently feel as though I'm hot but I do not usually have a fever.  It feels like I'm constantly gaslighting myself. 

Bartonella can affect the eyes and cause conjunctivitis, or inflammation of the outermost layer of the eye, which results in irritated, dry red eyes, as well as other eye problems.

Bartonella cause more skin-related problems than the other infections. Red bands or stretch marks on the skin called striae are common, as are acne and other skin problems.

I don't really have trouble with my eyes.  I have been having trouble with acne.  I have also been having little red stretch marks appearing.  They aren't large or particularly frequent, but they are showing up.  

Bartonella lives in the liver and spleen where it inflames these organs and compromises their functioning. When the liver and spleen are inflamed, the filtering capacity of the blood is affected, resulting in thick blood. People with Bartonella may have slightly elevated liver enzymes on lab tests. For instance, the alanine aminotransferase (ALT) test score may be just outside of the normal range and high only intermittently. The inflammation that Bartonella causes in the liver and spleen can compromise the body’s detoxification system in a major way, though. When the spleen is compromised, the lymph glands may also become swollen, which then causes the lymph flow to become thick, sludgy and slow.

I have had lots of swollen lymph nodes throughout the last two years.  I've had the swollen lymph nodes noted by the doctor who didn't believe in the possibility of co-infections or post-treatment Lyme.  He kept asking me if I had a cold or whatnot.  

I'm less confident about this one.  But I would be completely unsurprised if I have both Babesia and Bartonella.  

For more on co-infections, here's the informative article called TOUCHED BY LYME: A close look at six Lyme-related infections, that I drew the symptoms from.  I highly suggest reading it if you have Lyme Disease or suspect you have Lyme Disease. 

For Other Posts about Lyme Disease see the following:

So, I have Lyme Disease

How to Find the Right Doctor for Lyme Disease

How can you be Certain you have LYME DISEASE?

Lyme Disease a List of Symptoms

Lyme Disease the Great Masquerader of Diseases

How Did I Get Lyme Disease?

Memory Struggles with Lyme

I Feel Like I'm Playing Lyme Roulette

Do I have Lyme Disease or West Nile Virus? or a Co-infection?

Just for Fun let's Look at Babesia Symptoms

 So, it's hard to find good information that isn't dismissive, and list-oriented without detail or facts.  This article called "TOUCHED BY LYME: A close look at six Lyme-related infections", is amazing.  So, just for my own sanity, I'm going to list out the portion on Babesia and talk about which symptoms I have.

Here we go.  

"Babesia, or Babesia-like organisms (BABLO) primarily affect the brain and autonomic nervous system. The first words that a patient with active Babesia-like organisms in his body might say are that he can’t focus or think. His cognitive function is significantly compromised, and his mood is almost always affected. Both depression and anxiety are very common. A person with Babesia has a lot of emotional upheaval; fear is a dominant symptom."

Oh yes, I definitely have said that I can't think.  It's actually gotten worse and become a huge thing for me recently.  I forgot how to tie a bow one day and couldn't braid my hair the other day.  And my mood has been anxious.  I've been going to acupuncture for anxiety for the last two years because I've intensely anxious, about everything and nothing.  And it's different than normal anxiety.  To me, what I would describe as "Lyme anxiety", feels different.  One minute I'm happily singing away to myself as I do dishes, the next I'm having a panic attack... about nothing.  I have been flipping between anxiety and depression for no apparent reason.  Yes, 2020 has been hard, but I'm having trouble beyond that. 

"Babesia also can affect the autonomic nervous system, which is responsible for much of the “automatic” functions of the body, such as heartbeat, breathing, etc. This means that the communication between the brain and body is affected, so any physical symptoms that patients have from Babesia can be related more to autonomic nervous system dysfunction rather than the organisms themselves. For instance, Babesia can cause postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS); a racing heart at rest and/or an irregular heartbeat and heavy pounding heart at night, but the problem isn’t in the heart. The problem is that the autonomic nervous system isn’t functioning properly."

I definitely have this... I have said that "Lyme anxiety" feels different, and it often starts with a randomly racing heart rate for me.  I have had trouble sleeping because I lay down and my heart rate is randomly excessively elevated.  I have had trouble breathing this year, and I just thought I was having more trouble with allergies, but I think it's Babesia.  I would take a Benadryl and it wouldn't help, which suggests I've been having Babesia affecting my lungs, not an allergen.    

"Shortness of breath is also common, because people with Babesia don’t regulate their oxygen-saturation flow properly due to problems in the autonomic nervous system (ANS). Such people feel a sense of “air hunger” because the ANS isn’t dilating their bronchial tubes or opening their diaphragm properly, because these parts of their body are not getting the signal to do so from the command center in brain."

I have had trouble breathing this year, and I just thought I was having more trouble with allergies, because they mostly affect my lungs by causing a little shortness of breath.  But I now think it's been Babesia all along.  I would take a Benadryl and it wouldn't help, which suggests I've been having Babesia affecting my lungs, not an allergen. 

"Additional symptoms of Babesia include lots of drenching sweats and chills. Babesia is a relative of the malarial organism and is part protozoan and part bacteria. So as with malaria, people can get terrible chills and lots of sweats and basically feel like they are going crazy.  People with Babesia are often quite chilled and can’t get warm and will have to take a hot shower or jump in a bathtub to warm up. The temperature de-regulation is again related to a dysfunctional autonomic nervous system. So, people either can’t get warm, or they get too hot. They turn down the thermostat at night because they are too hot, but then they get too cold while in bed and so turn it back up by a degree. They freeze when going to bed and throw the covers on; then, in the middle of the night, they get boiling hot and throw the covers off and drench their bedclothes in sweat."

I have had a lot of trouble keeping warm.  I had a period of time where I had drenching sweats and chills at night but I'm not having that now.  I am always cold, however.  I would go to accupunture and relax and then it would take me two or three hours of sitting in the sun on a rock at the beach to warm up.  Then all of a sudden, a few hours in, I'd realize I was boiling hot.  I'd take off jackets and layers and suddenly be cold again.  I also have the same problem with temperature when I'm trying to sleep.  I'm freezing and then I'm hot and then I'm freezing again.  And when I've gone camping, I freeze and I can't get warm again.  It'll take me hours into the next day to finally warm up.  Same thing at night if I go to look at the stars, I'll freeze and I'll have to jump in the shower to get my body back up to normal.  Then I overheat and nearly pass out from being too hot in the shower.  I've joked that I've become a for-real lizard because I have no control of my temperature, but it's not actually funny or fun. 

"Insomnia is common as Babesia affects the sleep center in the brain."

I have had a lot of trouble with insomnia for the past two years.  Again, I thought it was related to the anxiety, but honestly, I've had more trouble sleeping the last two years than any other period of time in my life.  I've actually had to start taking sleep aids to try to regulate my sleeping and give me the ability to get some rest. 

"Other symptoms include blurred vision, bowel-motility issues and bladder difficulties. People with Babesia will either have trouble starting their urinary stream or will go through episodes of incontinence. They may also have problems with bowel motility; usually constipation, but can also sometimes have diarrhea due to autonomic nervous system de-regulation."

I will spare you details.  I will simply say, yes.  It's not fun, people.

"A dominant Babesia infection also can affect certain areas of the wrists, hands, ankles and feet. These areas can be painful, numb or experience temperature extremes."

I originally went to the doctor for all of this because of hand pain.  My fingers have been dealing with arthritis-like pain for two years.  It rotates around to different finger joints and just fucking hurts.  I thought it was symptomatic of Lyme, but it's possible it's symptomatic of Babesia. 

"Babesia does not generally cause pain in the body, so if a person has pain, then it’s usually due to another problem. The picture is always complicated though because people with Babesia who have a compromised detoxification system will have pain in their body as a result of poor waste removal. But, the pain is not from the infection itself."

If this is true, and if my pain is related to poor waste removal... it's possible that I can potentially help fix that and get relief.  This is the most hopeful thing I've learned/heard of in weeks. 

"These are what I call clearly identifiable Babesia symptoms in those patients who have an immune system that is not terribly depleted or who don’t have a compromised detoxification system or other conditions or infections that are currently active and which could complicate the symptom picture. The same holds true for the symptom patterns of all of the other infections described here."

Thus ends the article's section on Babesia.  I have everything on this list but night sweats.  I used to have them, now I'm just cold, always so cold.  And I have other things that make sense if my nervous system isn't functioning properly.  My nose sometimes gets this weird tingly sensation on the right side of it like I've come in out of the cold.  It happens in the summer, in San Diego.  It's definitely not related to actual temperature.  But, perhaps it's related to dis-regulation of temperature caused by a dominant Babesia infection.  

For more on co-infections, here's the informative article called TOUCHED BY LYME: A close look at six Lyme-related infections, that I drew the symptoms from.  I highly suggest reading it if you have Lyme Disease or suspect you have Lyme Disease. 

For Other Posts about Lyme Disease see the following:

So, I have Lyme Disease

How to Find the Right Doctor for Lyme Disease

How can you be Certain you have LYME DISEASE?

Lyme Disease a List of Symptoms

Lyme Disease the Great Masquerader of Diseases

How Did I Get Lyme Disease?

Memory Struggles with Lyme

I Feel Like I'm Playing Lyme Roulette

Do I have Lyme Disease or West Nile Virus? or a Co-infection?

We have a Winner, it's Co-infections!

It's like I walked into a disease wholesale store and couldn't decide what to come down with... so I looked at the cahsier and said, aw, what the hell, I'll have one of each.  

Test results last week:

West Nile, positive.

"But I don't believe that you have it," said the doctor.  "And if you did all you could do is wait to get better and rest a lot.  So we will run the test for co-infections"

Me: "Ok cool."

One week later...

Babesia positive FISH test.

Doctor:  "But we don't know that you have it because you don't get cold sweats at night," (I do have almost all the other symptoms currently)

"Let's do another test for West Nile Virus just to make sure..." says the doctor

Sure, why not?  I mean, we didn't trust the first test.  Let's just run another one we won't trust. 

How many tests do you need to run before you finally trust one of them?  We all know that testing for Lyme and co-infections is impossible and notoriously inaccurate.  So, at what point are you going to just treat me for the symptoms that I have instead of faffing about with more tests?

I'm extremely symptomatic for Babesia.  And it's really likely that I have Bartonella too.  I even have a positive for Babesia.  So, I'm not really sure what we're waiting for.  How many tests do you need to be convinved?  And why didn't we start with the convincing test?  Not run four others we don't trust.  

It's all so frustrating. 

So, the current theory is that I have Babesia and Bartonella, common co-infections with Lyme.  The reason that the antibiotics (doxycycline) helped but didn't make them go away was because Babesia and Bartonella are treated with different antibiotics, stronger ones, and Babesia also needs to be paired with an anti-parasitic.  So, that could explain why doxycycline helps with the symptoms when I'm on it, but doesn't make them go away.

But don't worry, I'm going to run another test for Babesia and a different test for Bartonella.  And just for kicks I'm going to run another test for West Nile Virus.  So, let's see what results we get this time. But it's looking like I'm going to be on the hunt for a new doctor very soon.  If anyone knows of a doctor in the San Diego area who knows how to treat Babesia, or other Lyme co-infections, I'm all ears.

Fun stuff over here!

For more on co-infections, there's an informative article called TOUCHED BY LYME: A close look at six Lyme-related infections. 

For Other Posts about Lyme Disease see the following:

So, I have Lyme Disease

How to Find the Right Doctor for Lyme Disease

How can you be Certain you have LYME DISEASE?

Lyme Disease a List of Symptoms

Lyme Disease the Great Masquerader of Diseases

How Did I Get Lyme Disease?

Memory Struggles with Lyme

I Feel Like I'm Playing Lyme Roulette

Do I have Lyme Disease or West Nile Virus? or a Co-infection?

What did you Expect?

Recently I had the most infuriating and enlightening conversation with my doctor.

After a twenty-minute discussion about my current symptoms.  Ok, ok, it was twenty minutes of me complaining about how I have nearly every symptom on the list for Babesia and Bartonella, my doctor asked me a single question.  

Doctor: What is your worst symptom?

Me: *thinking to myself, um, all of them together?

Me: uh... it depends on the day I guess, somedays it's my memory that's the worst, other days it's my hand pain.  So, I guess I have to say pain, is the worst of my symptoms.  

Doctor: Have you taken the CBD oil pills I prescribed you?

Me: Yes, I'm nearly finished with the first bottle and I haven't noticed a difference.

Doctor: What did you expect them to do for you?

Me: ...

Me: umm

Me: I thought they would help with pain... like you said they would?

Doctor: *changes subject

Honestly, several days later, I still don't even know what to think.  I mean, what kind of conversation is this?  I was so shocked.  So, it's pretty clear that this doctor is not really working out for me.  I'm on the hunt for another doctor again.  

I need a doctor that won't wait until they get conclusive results from inconclusive tests in order to treat me.  I need a doctor who is going to trust me, listen to me, and treat my symptoms.

Wish me luck.

For more on co-infections, there's an informative article called TOUCHED BY LYME: A close look at six Lyme-related infections. 

For Other Posts about Lyme Disease see the following:

So, I have Lyme Disease

How to Find the Right Doctor for Lyme Disease

How can you be Certain you have LYME DISEASE?

Lyme Disease a List of Symptoms

Lyme Disease the Great Masquerader of Diseases

How Did I Get Lyme Disease?

Memory Struggles with Lyme

I Feel Like I'm Playing Lyme Roulette

Do I have Lyme Disease or West Nile Virus? or a Co-infection?

Lyme with a side of Babesia

Sunset at La Jolla Shores tonight was lovely

Tonight as the rest of the world worried about and anxiously awaited the results of the US Presidential election, I was anxious about other results.  I got back my test results today.

Today I received a positive test result on a Babesia FISH test.  This doesn't surprise me in the least because I've looked at symptoms of Babesia and I was already fairly certain I had it.  

I'm hoping, that when I finally get to speak with the doctor on Thursday, I can finally start treating something that has been making me miserable for nearly two years now.  There is a small fear that this result won't be "trusted" either and I'm going to have to either keep searching for doctors or keep running more tests that aren't trusted.  If I may be so bold as to suggest that we all hope the doctors start listening and trusting us when we say what our symptoms are and that they find us all effective treatments for all that ails us.  Having Lyme disease and its associated co-infections is no laughing matter.  (Don't get me wrong, I laugh, but some days it's either that or cry, you know?  I'm hoping for a new diagnosis and treatment course that starts to make me feel better.  

I'm so tired of feeling so miserable.

If anyone happens to be reading this, I could probably use all the prayers and good thoughts sent my way.  

So I took myself to the beach tonight to be out in the breeze and hear the waves endlessly crashing.  I wanted to remember that even the two years I've been fighting all this, is a short amount of time.  At least two years is a short amount of time when you consider the gradual work of the waves eroding the cliffs and the shells crumbling into sand.  Lyme disease is a terribly miserable thing to deal with (co-infections included in this) but I need to remember that it will pass and that the time will soon be distant when I lived this chapter.  I need to focus on the long term and remember that everything will be ok in the end.  I can weather a few more years if I have to.  I need to stand firm like the waves, chipping away at the cliffs until I crumble them and am healthy once more.  I need to harness the strength of wind, blowing gently at times, changing directions, following what I must, but always eroding the cliffs one gust at a time.  Of course, I'd like to bring the whole Lyme cliff down in one terrible storm.  And yet, even if I don't, I'll make it out the other side.  

For more on co-infections, there's an informative article called TOUCHED BY LYME: A close look at six Lyme-related infections. 

For Other Posts about Lyme Disease see the following:

So, I have Lyme Disease

How to Find the Right Doctor for Lyme Disease

How can you be Certain you have LYME DISEASE?

Lyme Disease a List of Symptoms

Lyme Disease the Great Masquerader of Diseases

How Did I Get Lyme Disease?

Memory Struggles with Lyme

I Feel Like I'm Playing Lyme Roulette

Do I have Lyme Disease or West Nile Virus? or a Co-infection?