|Foggy morning in Leeds|
Let me explain. My job is to come up with new ideas for ways to talk about and ultimately write about my clients. There are only so many times you can write about the way that blinds allow you to adjust the light in a room. So you need to come up with other topics. I'm really good at it because my thoughts are well, simply random. When I interviewed for this job they told me they were looking for more creative thinkers. So I employ my creativity without any filter at my job. Which means that I write about whatever come to mind. Sure I've written the articles about decorating with blinds, but I've also argued that wooden blinds are more eco-friendly than curtains. (There is some truth to it in the way that some materials are produced and acquired more sustainably than others. Nonetheless, they're about even really.)
Perhaps my crowning work was the piece on creating a cardboard castle for your children to play in. It comes complete with a working drawbridge I'll have you know. What does this have to do with wooden blinds you ask? Ah, well, every castle needs a portcullis and what better to use than wooden blinds? I kid you not. I get paid to write these things. But today while I was writing a slightly more sane article about kitchen safety I had my realization that my job is truly strange. I was talking about the danger of toasters getting too close to curtains and catching them on fire (you should really use wooden blinds see?) and I happened to write the phrase "errant toaster". I had been thinking that it had simply wandered out of it's usual place and gotten too close to the curtains. When I revisited this article I read it with the other connotation of the word errant. I read the sentence with the mental image of a wayward toaster.
I am sure I do not need to tell you that my mind took this idea and started running with it. Suddenly I was grinning vacantly at my computer screen as I imagined evil toasters with devil horns and pitch forks running around the kitchen prodding things, setting toast and curtains on fire, and generally creating havoc. Undoubtedly I was scarred forever by the nightmare scene in The Brave Little Toaster and deep down still cringe at the idea of a toaster in flames. Except this didn't star a creepy clown and the toaster in my work was evil not cute. This is like the Brave Little Toaster's evil twin. With that train of thought derailing my sane article writing I decided to switch to another topic.
|Photo by Stellajo1976, via Flickr|
At the end of my shift I realized I had to stay and water the bonsai tree. Now that I've started watering my colleague's tree and everyone knows that I'm keeping it alive it is sort of my job. If it dies it will now be my fault not my colleague's. So I now have bonsai watering duties at work. It is growing leaves again, but it looks so straggly and sad. I feel sorry for it. When I placed it back on the desk I shook my head. I have the weirdest job in the world, but I guess at least I have the mind to match it.