Calm me down...

Things I hate

Do you ever have days where you simply get tired of being told what to do?  Where a part of you simply snaps?  Where you feel like enduring this treatment for even one more second will cause your blood to literally boil your heart to pound out of your chest and your teeth to grind each other into dust because you've been clenching them that hard? 

Have you ever felt that way?  Have you ever had to pretend you didn't want to leap from your chair and shove your notebook down someones throat screaming with rage and instead put on a smile? 

Today I had to sit through a meeting pretending I wasn't angry while I was first told all the things I could and couldn't do and then personally attacked for having a different personality and a different way of working.  Never mind that my way works for me and my work gets done and my executives and clients are happy with it.  My way doesn't align with the almighty freaking procedure by which everyone must live and die.

I had to clench my teeth not to say anything upsetting.  Oh, so you think I'll learn to like this thing antithetical to my personality and that I'll magically start thinking the way you do and that your precious organizational system will make sense to me?  Don't touch my systems.  Don't tell me how I must work.  You don't think I've tried overcoming some of my personality quirks?  I'm twenty five and I know what I can and cannot cope with to be productive.  If I wanted to spend my day doing the things you are proposing I would have signed up for a different job.  I was hired to be creative, to think differently and to come up with ideas and content they couldn't imagine.  Don't sit there and tell me what I'm capable of or what I will like.  You have no idea who I am.  When my work starts having problems then you can talk to me.  Until then go fix things that are actually broken and leave me and my working system alone.

Things I love

So now to combat all those negative thoughts I need to think of reasons to be thankful.  Number one, family.  I have an incredible family.  They love me and support me and are there for me always.
2.  I have amazing friends.  Granted they are spread all around the world, but nonetheless.  Come to think of it I am very blessed to have people I love that also love me.

My friends do silly things like take pub quizzes and bet on how few we can get right.

3.  Food.  I can afford it and I am not starving.  I got some amazing donuts and milk reduced at M&S tonight.

Another great M&S reduced food.  Mmm!

4.  For that matter I should be thankful that my shift allows me to snap up all the reduced foods.  It is cheaper to shop at night this way.
5.  I am thankful that I have a job that pays my bills and therefore I am not homeless.
6.  I'm not homeless.  It's much too cold in this climate to be homeless.
7.  I'm alive.  And I can appreciate the joy and pain of life and all it's beauties.
8.  The world is actually full of beauty.
9.  The world is full of purple.

10.  I live in a city, that although I wouldn't call it historic, is really historic.

Random doorway in Leeds

11.  My city actually has some pretty views along the canal

Leeds Canal

Leeds Canal

12.  I have good health
13.  The world is full of music.
14.    I can sing any time I want.
15.  I have the chance to do a bit of traveling here and there.  Including to London to visit some of my amazing friends.

And yes, I sang the Portobello Road song from Bedknobs and Broomsticks while I walked along this street.

Street painter at Notting Hill festival in London

16.  I have time to paint and draw and read for fun
17.  Books.  I am utterly thankful for books.
18.  I am thankful for my kindergarten teachers who valiantly struggled with a stubborn five year old who was convinced she'd never learn how to read and somehow not only taught her how to read but also helped her find a joy in it.  (Though a joy of reading must mostly come from my father, an absolutely voracious reader.)
19.  I am thankful for rainy days reading under snuggly covers.
20.  I am thankful for the written word in general as it allows us to communicate beautiful sentiments, talk to family and friends, express our deepest emotions, and do so with an eloquence denied other forms of communication.
21.  I am thankful for my brain, even if it causes me a few sleepless nights here and there.
22.  I am thankful for flowers and green things generally
23.  I am thankful for umbrellas that keep me dry on my way to work and back
24.  I am thankful for rainboots that allow me to jump in puddles and stay dry.
25.  I am thankful for chocolate.

Really there are a lot of things to be thankful for.  I just need to think about those things and not get all annoyed by trivial things at work.