You see I live in Leeds, not the prettiest city in the world. Sorry Leeds, you must remember that I first met you just after the bin collectors' strike, so the bar for ugly sites has been set rather high. That being the case, what is it that makes my view so terrible? Well, for a start I look out at an alley full of rubbish bins.
Ok, you may be thinking to yourself, rubbish bins? Everybody has to look at rubbish bins. There is nothing unusually ugly about that.
AND the neighbor children play football in the alley and frequently knock over the bins, strewing their contents about the alley.
Hmm, ok, maybe slightly worse.
AND there is a construction project going on across the way.
Well, again, you think to yourself that it can't be all that bad.
You may be right, the construction isn't so much the issue as the pace at which it is being completed. It is halted every time it rains. Hello! We live in England! It's ALWAYS raining! So, I have the sneaking suspicion that the pile of rubbish and construction supplies will never actually disappear.
|The bin collectors have just come and gone so it almost looks decent for the moment.|
Ok, so it's not the best view in the world, but what makes it the worst?
|I just love heaps of construction waste, don't you?|
The real sign that it's the worst view in the world has nothing to do with the construction or rubbish. The test for ugly views is far more random and simplistic. You know how everything looks better when it snows? Well, I am here to tell you that my view isn't even improved by a snow. And if a healthy coating of beautiful white snow can't even make my view pretty then nothing can.
I've seen bins that look exciting and almost fun in the snow, with giant domes of snow crowning them and making them not only funny but also somehow attractive for once in their lives. Normally ugly shapes are suddenly interesting and lovely with some snow. I've seen car parks (or parking lots) that by any normal standard would be judged a blight, that were transformed into a beautiful scene by snow. Snow is the ultimate beautifier, yes, I just made that word up, and if snow can't fix a view then it's hopeless.
My view therefore fails the snow beauty test. My view is ugly. No it's worse than that; it's heinous. My view is quite possibly one of the worst views in the world. It is certainly the worst view I've ever had.
So, I have decided to enter the Worst Window View Competition by Wooden Blinds Direct to see how my abhorrent view compares to others. Maybe I will be surprised, realise my view isn't all that bad, and come away heartened by the fact that my view could be decidedly worse. Or maybe I will win a Kindle Fire HD. It is a competition I cannot actually lose.
I didn't think I'd ever have occasion to say this, but I am actually looking forward to seeing the worst views the world has to offer.