I'm a, er, um, Professional Applier?

So I'm unemployed.  It's not exactly a new experience for me, unfortunately.  I'm a bit more of a risk taker.  Which means I save lots of money for the moment that I up and leave a job to travel for a few months before I find a new one.  I am not afraid to take risks in starting new careers or in leaving them. 

And so, here we are again.  Unemployed.  I mean, technically I'm not.  Technically I'm "working" for a company as a freelance writer.  But they haven't wanted any content in the last few months.  And I was working for a corporate events company until Covid-19 came along and sort of ruined that.  And you're never really unemployed when you're a freelancer, you're just out of money.  So here we are.  It's still ugly outside and we are all quarantined in CA.

But it's October and people have given up being isolated because they are lonely and bored.  I see pictures of parties with lots of alcohol involved on social media and group gatherings have spread out in people's yards, but they are happening nonetheless.  

So recently I attended a small family gathering, set up outside, with people being socially distant and I was asked by multiple people what I'm doing these days.  And even though people know that lots of businesses are suffering and lots of people have lost jobs, somehow it never seems acceptable to just answer the question so what do you do these days with "I'm unemployed".  It doesn't matter how true it is.  It makes people uncomfortable.  They want you to politely say something boring like "oh I work from home for a financial firm" or something.  They don't want to have to contemplate how close we all are to an unsettled future where they could possibly be unemployed too.  Or maybe they just don't know what to say and feel guilty that they have good fortune while you do not.  Regardless, when it comes up that you no longer have a job it makes people uncomfortable.  

I tried to deflect all this awkwardness by making out my unemployed state into a paradise of time to do whatever I want with.  I talked about writing and doing art.  This helped ease the conversation back into better comfort.  But I think we can do better than this and not end up in this situation at all.  

So, I've decided I must get trickstery and come up with a better way to say the same thing.  Ok, so what are they asking?  They're asking about my job.  Well, rather than saying I don't have one, I should explain what I do as an unemployed person, in a way that sounds like a proper job.

So, if we take occupation to mean my job, or an activity that denotes my role in society...

I'm a Professional Applier.

I spend hours and hours scouring for jobs and applying to them.  My role is to be a job candidate in a stack of papers on hundreds of HR desks.  

I know, I know, I am being facetious.  But honestly, I do spend hours writing cover letters and sending out applications to jobs.  And I really must get a job soon or I'll die of boredom, frustration and misery in equal doses, all specifically from doing more job applications than is good for a human.  

Truly, if I spend all day, and it takes all this time and effort, applying to jobs is a 9 to 5 job in itself.  And I'm still working on it!  Doesn't that make me a Professional Applier?

I rather think it does.  So there you have it, I do have a job.  My job is to irritate every HR person in my region with an application.  Maybe I should call myself a Business Grade Irritant?  Sounds important, right?  I think I'll give Professional Applier a whirl and see if it needs to be tweaked a little for maximum social effect.