I've Decided to Invent a new Avant-Garde Ballet

Awhile ago I watched my father flee a spider in a manner so extraordinary that it honestly made me think of ballet.  He had been watching my mother curl up a hose and he suddenly realized that a dislodged spider was coming his way.  He lept, and he pirouetted, and he deftly spun in the air.  It was athletic, it was graceful, it was balletic in a way I could never have guessed my father could manage.  I was inspired

And I suddenly imagined an entire ballet inspired by my father's efforts to flee that spider.  Dance of the Spiders, a new avant-garde ballet. 

She could be leaping to avoid a spider.

Then I thought about other silly ballets I could invent.  Why?  Because I'm crazy, you know?

A ballet inspired by children jumping through sprinklers? 

The Water Drop Ballon

A ballet inspired by the leaping flee, almost exclusively using men and large leaps across the stage.

Now I have to admit that I'm not a huge fan of ballet.  I mean, I like the Nutcracker, but it's more about the elaborate costumes and there is so much going on with that and the plot.  But other ballets just haven't struck my fancy.  I thought perhaps I just hadn't seen good ballet, not given it a proper chance.  So when I heard about a ballet being performed in London that was about pirates I thought maybe I'd give ballet another chance.  

So it was that I found myself sitting in a London theatre watching Le Corsaire (The Pirate).  This three act ballet is based on the poem The Corsair by Lord Byron.  A pirate ballet from 1856, based on a poem by Lord Byron?  Sounds like it couldn't be better.  I thought maybe sword fighting ballet was the very thing I had been missing in my life.

Well, I have to say I was supremely disappointed.  The ballet was not that exciting and there was hardly any sword fighting at all, let alone amazingly choreographed sword fighting ballet leaping.  It was not particularly interesting.  It just felt like a normal ballet.  And there was hardly any sword fighting at all.  I mean really, how can you have a pirate ballet without sword fighting?  So much wasted opportunity.

Don't get me wrong, it was beautiful.  One need only look at the above photo of Vadim and Alina to see that.  But I went to see a pirate ballet because I wanted more piratical nonsense, not strictly traditional ballet.  It didn't quite live up to my expectations.  It didn't float my boat, as it were.

One could argue that I was guilty of not doing quite enough research.  Had I done more research I may not have had such high expectations for sword fighting and sets.  Regardless, Le Corsaire did disappoint me.  And so, in my train of thought of inventing ballets I thought just maybe I should invent the ballet I wished that Le Corsaire had been.  A ballet about pirates where the majority of the ballet involves very interesting choreographed ballet sword fights.  Ballet would take place on the decks of elaborate set ships as well as on the stage.  There aren't nearly as many ballet roles for men, is it so terribly wrong for me to wish that a ballet about pirates addressed that issue?   

Anyhow these are some of my random thoughts on ballet.  What do you think?  Are there any ballets that particularly inspire you?  Do you have any brilliant ideas about new ballets that should exist?