Rocky and Shadow's Guide to Street Food

Popcorn is always a fine choice. - Photo via Flickr "face it" by Amancay Maahs

As the air turns chilly and thoughts of pumpkin spice everything floats in our heads, it is time to consider enjoying a pumpkin spice latte on a walk through the freshly chilled air.  A lazy afternoon stroll in the autumn air capped off with the perfect snack from a street food vendor is the recipe for a perfect Saturday afternoon.  And it just so happens that combining walks and street food is a favorite pastime of Rocky and Shadow.  So, it stands to reason that they would know the ins and outs of all the best local street foods.  "Everyone raves about street tacos," says Shadow "but my personal favorite is sidewalk popcorn.  All those delicious little kettle-corn kernels just sprinkled in the cracks of the sidewalk.  They brighten up even the longest most tiring walks."

The finest street popcorn - Photo via Flickr by Nadia Hatoum

Shadow is always on the lookout for tasty morsels left behind by foolish humans.  Rocky is more interested in the walking, but even he agrees that Saturdays are the best for finding street treats.

Photo via Flickr "Sunbathing Popcorn" by Mika

"Saturday evening walks always produce the best smells," Rocky tells us.  "Market day is a big deal here.  Everyone likes it.  Dogs and people abound throughout the morning, and by evening the very best aromas have blended together into a perfect Saturday evening sunset of smells.  There's really nothing like it."

Rocky and Shadow are foodies.  They like to regale their new friends with stories of the best foods they've found in the area.  Gutter apples sprinkled with flakes of perfectly blended autumn leaves sound almost too magical to be real.  But Rocky claims he found one once, and Shadow seems to remember with great pain that he didn't stumble across this find himself.  Also to Rocky's credit is the discovery of several quaint little neighborhood spots that have produced bush leftovers in the form of par-eaten ribs with a hint of earthy soil sauce.  

Lest you think that all the great discoveries are Rocky's, it should be noted that Shadow can claim discovery of the motor-oil infused road crackers that are a new and growing trend in the neighborhood, much to both dogs' continued delight.  While the absolute favorite is still bite-sized bread crusts and a hearty helping of veggies wrapped gently in grease-soaked paper and laid aside in, dare I say, hole-in-the-wall eateries near the sidewalk; they are only for the most discerning of foodies.  

Aren't these wrappers mouth-wateringly beautiful? - Photo via Flickr "Cupcake wrappers" by Joy

If all of this talk of street food has made you hungry, Rocky and Shadow cannot recommend market day enough.  As a matter of fact, they are always on the lookout for the latest and greatest in food trends in the area.  And don't worry, for those of you who love dessert but are watching waste-lines, be on the lookout for a local rosebush cafe that offers delectable and low-carb candy wrappers with just a hint of chocolate.  With so many irresistible street-food options right around the corner, it's hard to see how life could get any better.

Delectable low-carb candy wrappers - Photo via Flickr "laziness" by Leonard J Matthews

Rabbit Food and Ruffage

I came home this evening at a quarter past ten in the evening and in sheer desperation I ate two tomatoes.  Yes, two.  I picked up first one baby tomato and then another and chewed them up whole, unceremoniously and completely unmasked by other foods, flavours or tastes.  What has happened to me?

Photo Source: flickr by Swaminathan

Perhaps I should explain that I have always hated vegetables.  And just like everything else in my life it was not a casual dislike and reluctance.  I don't do things by half measures.  I have always hated vegetables with a passion that stemmed deep from my five year old soul.  I declared them rabbit food and refused to eat them.  I am not a rabbit so why should I eat rabbit food? Do people eat dog food or cat food I ask you?  NO.  Nobody would reasonably expect me to eat a dinner comprised of bird food.  I didn't see why the delicacies of rabbits should ever be placed upon my plate.  I wasn't an ambassador to the rabbit population of my town, or any other town for that matter.  I didn't need to improve human rabbit relations by symbolically accepting them and their culture by dining on their foods.  No, I didn't eat rabbit food.  I waged war on it.

Smart cat knows if he waits by the rabbit food the rabbits will come to him.  Cool as a cucumber he waits.  I bet you can't get him to eat rabbit food.      Photo Source: Flickr by Psyberartist

It was ruffage.  Or more properly spelled, roughage, and roughage is defined as "the coarse indigestible constituents of food".  Indigestible!  And you want me to eat it why?  Ick.  No thank you.  Now people will tell you that tomatoes are good for you.  That tomatoes are a fruit.  But they also come from the night shade family and are therefore a nightshade food. Nightshade foods produce these things called alkaloids that can affect the nervous system and digestive system.  You see alkaloids can inhibit this enzyme, cholintesterase, which is found in nerve cells.  If it is very strongly inhibited it can disrupt the nerve-muscle system and cause trembling, twitching, paralyzed breathing or convulsions.  Great, right?  They say that these certain nightshade foods do not block the enzyme to a great enough degree to cause any trouble.  Yet, there is no definitive research on the subject.  Some researchers recommend cutting it out of the diets of those people with arthritis and other joint problems.  And there are many individuals who swear that nightshade foods do cause them joint pain.  

Do you know what foods are nightshade foods?  It may surprise you to find that the list includes:
Tomatoes
Potatoes
Eggplant
Sweet and hot peppers (bell peppers, and cayenne etc.)
Ground cherries (not real cherries, whatever a ground cherry is...)
Tomatillos
*And a few others. This is not an exhaustive list of nightshade foods.

Some researchers claim that the level of alkaloids in nightshade foods are too small to have any real effect.  Yet the alkaloids do exist in these foods and can be shown to inhibit cholintesterase at least to a small degree and cooking only reduces the alkaloids by 40-50%.  So, you can make up your own mind.  Don't believe me, check out more reputable sources and ask your doctor.  But I will argue that these nightshade foods are poison.  So, these "oh so healthy for you" tomatoes could in fact be poisoning my body and ruining my joints.  Why should I trust your health advice after you advocate poison and indigestible foods.  No, thank you, I'll pass. Or at least that is what I used to say to myself.

Look at all those colorful poisons!         Photo Source: flickr by moon angel

Yet desperate times called for desperate measures and there I was standing in my kitchen munching down tomatoes.  What on earth was happening?  I was starving and it was the only food in my house that could be eaten post haste without any cooking, preparation or waiting-time involved. There was no extended longing for that moment of sweet delight when your food is done and you nibble on the first mouthful.  No, immediate gratification was what I needed in order to satisfy the monster growing restless and growling from deep within.  But it did not end there.  The monster demanded a further sacrifice.  It demanded I give up my cause.  It demanded I eat... a salad.  Yes, a salad.  complete with leafy green lettuce and carrots, a rabbit couldn't have been happier.  I, the Madder Hatter, the crusader against people eating indigestible rabbit food, succumbed and ate not only two tomatoes but also an entire salad.

I can almost hear myself, that logical side I try so hard to suppress, saying desperate times luv, in a Yorkshire accent of course.  But this does not excuse my behavior.  It is a mere platitude.  Who I am?  What have I become?  There is no going back from what I have done.  What will happen next?  I may be lead inexorably downward.  Next I could be eating dog food, or bird food.  Why stop there?  I could move on to worm food and just eat dirt.  But there is something else about it that is bothering me deep down.  It is the slippery slope to all things bad.

Not only do I feel like I have abandoned my morals (see my struggle with technology) I feel I have also lost my identity.  I am no longer a rampant ruffage destroying, rabbit food protesting rapscallion.  I'm becoming something else. Dare I suggest it, an adult?  Gasp, the reality of such a concept is too horrible to even contemplate for one instant.  The unadulterated boredom of responsible adult life swept over me for the milisecond I even considered considering that thought. Cringe. No, no, that can't be it.  I'm still five.  I must be turning into a rabbit.  You are what you eat, right? I'm sprouting whiskers and a little bob tail, aren't I?  That is the only logical explanation.  I'd better do some research on rabbits next.

Smart cat guards the rabbit food knowing I must come for it.  He is waiting.  He sees through me.  There is no escape.       Photo Source: flickr by Psyberartist

Broccoli is proven to be creepy

I accidentally stumbled across this post about broccoli on somebody else's blog the other day.  In light of my last post about broccoli I thought this was oddly appropriate.  If my strange pictures were not enough to scare you I imagine that this will be.  Just look closely at these pictures.  Creepy.

Death by Broccoli.

People love telling others what to do, especially when it comes to eating.  Eat your vegetables is a favourite command among parents.  "Vegetables are good for you" everyone says as you grow older.  People love to tell you how good veggies are for you.  And everyone loves to tell you how good broccoli is.  You aren't allowed to dislike it.  It is rich in fiber and vitamin K.  It can even provide you with vitamin C so you aren't at risk of scurvy.  A common problem on land, of course.  Lord knows, if it weren't for those forced mouthfuls of broccoli I would have succumbed to scurvy on many an occasion in my youth.

"Ha", you think if you are reading this as a child, "when I grow up I won't eat broccoli anymore".  I hate to break it to you kid, but I thought the same thing once.  It is not as simple as that.

When it comes to broccoli you are rarely allowed to refuse it, even as an adult.  If broccoli is involved in a meal and you choose not to eat it everyone is suddenly very concerned about your health.  It doesn't matter that it tastes bitter and bland all at once.  It doesn't matter that you can't mask its taste in butter, cheese or any substance known to man.  It doesn't even matter that its prickly little florets cling to your tongue, taste buds, and throat, refusing to be swallowed and putting up a desperate fight all the way down to your stomach.  No.  If you don't want broccoli you MUST be unhealthy.  Clearly you aren't eating enough fiber.  You must not be getting enough vegetables.  No other food will do.  You must eat the broccoli.

Well, I won't stand for it.  I've had enough of being told how wonderful broccoli is for me.  I just don't like it.  I'll eat other vegetables, and in great quantities too, if that will make you happy, but I'm not eating broccoli anymore.  I can get my vitamins from other sources.  I'll make sure my diet has enough fiber.  But I am through with broccoli.  I simply won't buy it and you can't make me eat it.  I AM an adult after all.  I can make this sort of decision for myself.  And yet, here I am staring at broccoli.  What happened? 

The other day my housemate was getting ready to leave for a week and was trying to empty out her refrigerator before she left.  Along with some other edible substances I suddenly found myself in possession of broccoli, that dreaded vegetable of tongue-clinging fame.  I didn't want to just throw it away.  That would have been wasteful and I hate wasting food.  This put me in an awkward position.  I realized I might have to suffer through eating the broccoli.  So, I placed it in my refrigerator with a heavy heart, postponing the inevitable torture for another day.

Then I had a brilliant idea.  I couldn't throw away the broccoli, but I could play with it.  I could turn my broccoli into an art project.  Then it would no longer be wasted by me AND I wouldn't have to eat it.  So I decided to take photos of broccoli that portrayed its true nature.  Photos that penetrated deep into broccoli's soul.  Photos that warned others about the true dangers of this horrifying vegetable.

Have you ever looked at broccoli and noticed how strange it looks with it's funny arms and leafy head?  Does it not seem a little creepy to you?  Can you imagine it with a pair of mean, slanting, narrowed eyes and a gaping mouth?

Can you not see a killer?  I can.  I'm just saying that maybe we shouldn't eat things that have faces like that.  Not so fast, you say, what harm could broccoli do?

Let us examine this case more closely.  Look closely at its face.

This is not the lovable face of a vitamin bearing vegetable.  This is the vicious face of a murderous veggie.  Now, let us think about the things that this face is capable of.  Is it the sort of face that could commit this kind of atrocity?

Killed by a murderous broccoli.

I think so.  Is it the sort of face that would also be capable of this?

Why, Broccoli, why?  What did the strawberry ever do to you?

Yes, I think it would.

To die so young... it is such a heartbreak.

Such senseless waste. 

Killer Veggie Strikes Again Murdering Innocent Fruit

This is the face of a heartless murderer.  It is the face of a monster capable of murdering innocent fruit.  And why you may ask?  Greed.  The distinction of being rich in fiber was not enough.  Broccoli envied the strawberry for it's nutritional value.  Strawberries do provide you with fiber, and vitamin K like broccoli does, but they also have vitamin A (for healthy skin), D (the crucial "sunshine vitamin"), E (to help build blood cells), C (about as much as an orange to prevent that troublesome scurvy), B (I don't know all of what it does, but it appears to be good for brain health) and a host of other nutrients including magnesium that are all good for your body.  What really made broccoli raging mad though was how good the strawberry tasted.  All those nutrients were packed inside one beautifully red, amazingly sweet and sugary, yet good for you, piece of fruit.  How could it be so?  The broccoli wanted to be the most nutritious so it decided to eliminate its competition.

If you want to help stop the fruit genocide...

or you are concerned about the possibility of an army of undead broccoli...

Act now!  Boycott broccoli!  Save the strawberries!  Prevent the Broccoli Zombie Apocalypse!  And enjoy your meals at last!

For the record, I am a healthy, moderately responsible adult.  I do not eat broccoli.  I do get enough fiber and vitamins and nutrients in my diet.  In case you don't believe me about strawberries and their inherent nutrients (and in light of the post I have just created I don't blame you), then check on strawberries yourself.  You can see a list of vitamins that strawberries contain and a chart of some of the other nutrients that strawberries and other fruits contain, from slightly more reputable sources.  I did warn you I was mad.  And I'm not even saying that we should never eat veggies.  I just don't want to eat things that look like this sort of face belongs on them.    

I don't trust them.  Can you blame me?  Look what they did to my beloved strawberries.  Now if you'll excuse me I have some fruit I need to consume.