The smell of coffee and cigarettes clung to her with the same loneliness that drove her speech. A rambling collection of things were strung together in a strangely proud, and yet deeply lonely, conversation. No, conversation is the wrong word. We didn't converse so much as she talked and I listened. I had gathered almost instinctively that she just needed to be heard, seen.
She told me that her Mom had passed and she was looking to become reconnected. I am guessing that was where her loneliness originated. She recounted a story where she and her mother had walked into the museum when it was closed but a meeting had been going on. They were graciously allowed to wander the museum while the meeting continued.
She told me of the way she was only just realizing that all the places she likes to visit in Mexico and the US have turned out to be Kumeyaay sites. She feels she is being drawn to them. Maybe it's because she senses the deep roots of community in those places and she is drawn to them now that she feels alone in the world.
An intelligent woman, it rankled her in the way a familiar sadness does that she needed assistance when she couldn't reach a taller shelf. Perhaps too it chafed at her that I was not less informed on the subjects in which she wanted to be superior. It seemed important to her that she prove herself to me as someone who is well informed.
All I really know is that a day later I'm still contemplating the loneliness of that woman. I feel her loss and sadness keenly and in my own way I'm grieving for her. Sometimes I feel as though I see more than people intend for me to see. Sometimes I think I can see right through a person to their deepest pains when they talk. Is that a gift or a curse? I can't do anything to help this woman, but maybe listening was enough. We all have different roles to play in each other's lives, maybe yesterday she simply needed to be reminded that there are people in the world who will still listen.
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