Recreating Paintings in Quarantine

During the lockdown in southern California I have been keeping busy.  I'm doing some freelance writing, I'm reading, I'm cleaning and I'm doing art.

I'm doing all kinds of art.

I have begun painting, making dollhouse miniatures and most recently I've started recreating paintings with things from around the house.  This whole thing was started by The Getty Museum Challenge and you can find other fine recreations under the hashtags #gettymuseumchallenge and #betweenartandquarantine

For the first one depicted below I've recreated Tissot's painting, The Widower.

My Recreation and Tissot's The Widower

And that was so much fun that I decided I need to recreate a few more paintings.


So here is my recreation of Henry Fuseli's The Nightmare.

The Nightmare by Henry Fuseli and a recreation with Jojo the cat.

The Nightmare by Henry Fuseli












My recreation of The Nightmare - featuring my cat AKA Jojen aka JoJo

I didn't want my dogs to feel left out by all the fun that Cat and I were having so the next few recreations involve them.

This is Charles van den Eycken's painting titled "Willpower" 1891

My poor fools were so confused about what they could and couldn't eat after this they almost were reluctant to take the treats when I gave them to my boys by hand.

Next is the recreation of Briton Rivière's painting Requiescat from 1888.

Shadow snuffled my hand for treats the entire time we tried to do this photo.  Not smiling was almost harder than keeping his attention when he thought treats were a hopeless endeavor and tried to give up.

Next is a recreation of Compulsory Education, also painted by Briton Rivière.

Do not let Rocky's mournful eyes deceive you.  He was so excited by the treats that came out of this photoshoot that he happily traipsed over for more than one take.  

The next painting is untitled but commonly referred to as Knight Resting with Dog by Nicaise De Keyser

The amazing armour dress and leggings I'm wearing are from Lorica Clothing, the Sackville skater dress and the Sackville leggings. All of their products are amazing, if you have need of comfy armour dresses or leggings I advise you look for them at Lorica Clothing.

The next is a painting by Thomas Weaver and is titled The Dunearn Ox c.1812-1815

No, really though, why are so many portraits of cows so rectangular?  If you're interested in this particular phenomenon you may want to check out this article on rectangular cows in UK art. 

I thought my rabbit had a nice scale next to my "cow".  Doesn't Shadow make a fine cow? I thought so anyway.  So, I decided to take advantage of his lovely cowhide (tshirt situation) and take another pastoral photograph with Rocky too.

This one, Animals Resting in the Pasture is a painting by Paulus Potter

Aren't my cows fine? Don't I make an enviable farmer? I'm marriageable at the very least, if I'm not the envy of the county with such fine cows as these.  It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman in possession of a fine herd of dogs, I mean cows, must be in want of a husband.  Or perhaps just an occupation.

Ok, so technically this next one is a woodcut not a painting.  But I think it still counts, it's very much a recreation.  

This is a woodcut by Hans Holbein the Younger called either the Chandler or The Peddler for the Dance of Death series c.1526.

and here is my recreation of it...

Extroverts Guide through Isolation – Get in Touch with Your Introvert Side

Advice on how to survive the quarantine written by an Introvert for her Extrovert Friends

Dear Extrovert,

My friend, first let me say that I know this is hard for you.  But I have some advice that might help you get through all the social isolation.

I feel that the key to surviving life in general is to not feel trapped by it.  So, as we are all forced to stay home and feeling a bit trapped, we have to find ways to liberate ourselves. 

Make staying in your choice.

The first step is to make staying in your choice.  Open your door, poke your head out and find a reason you don’t want to go outside after all.  Lean out your door, and before the sense of longing for the outside world can set in, tell yourself “I’d have to put on pants to go out, I think I’ll stay in today.”  Or perhaps it’s raining outside and really looks miserable.  Tell yourself that staying in with a cup of tea is the most preferable option. 

Now that we come to that Give Yourself Options.

Having options is one of the things we miss most about being stuck indoors against our will.  Find several occupations/projects/activities for yourself and then decide not to do some of them, this way you don’t feel you are doing any one thing because there are literally no other choices.  Sometimes coming up with really terrible chores is the best way forward.  I could work on scouring the entire bathroom, or I could watch this movie.  It might make you feel better. 

You may not be able to go out and see friends, but you can still connect with them.  Not only are there a variety of ways to video chat, you can also call or even write a letter.  Maybe it’s time to sit down and tell your friends how much they mean to you.  Find different ways to check in so you don’t feel like there’s no option and no way to be social.  Even for your video chats, have a dance party together, or have dinner together, or have an art class together.

Do Silly Things Without Fear of Judgement.

Turn up the music real loud and listen to that one song you love over and over again.  Or add a little humor to your normal mix and sing Staying Alive really loudly to yourself in your pajamas (they now pass for day wear).  Sing along at the top of your lungs even if you can’t sing. 

You can dance around your house in a combination of outfits you would never wear outside and feel free in the knowledge that nobody will see it or judge you.  Don’t be limited by comfort (though do indulge in that as well), wear everything neon or froofy you can find together.  Wear a ballgown to your own solo movie premiere.  Because, why shouldn’t you?  If you’re feeling bold you can send photos or videos to your friends and encourage them to do the same.

Escape the Here and Now

No really, there's a reason we all love to consume media, social or otherwise, it's the escapism.  

There’s a million ways to escape reality for a bit.  Try a few of them.  Read a book that’s got nothing to do with today or your normal daily life.  Watch a movie you’ve been meaning to get around to for ages.  

Join a silly online challenge, like wearing pillows as dresses for quarantine couture.  Or even join a silly facebook group such as “A group where we all pretend to be ants.”  Find something unusual you’ve never done and revel in the novelty of it from the comfort of your couch.  You can share it with all your friends online too.

Tons of places are offering new ways to be involved online.  Concerts and Broadway shows are being made available.  You can call up a friend and watch one together.  You could take an art class.  The other day I went to an art class via a Zoom meeting and did a paint along acrylic painting.

 

Start a Big Project (Or Finish One)

If you are at all like the rest of us, you probably have three major projects you’ve been meaning to do for the last 5-10 years and never have time for.  

Guess what?  Now is the time!

For my family it is hanging up fake tin wallpaper on our ceilings to look like a Victorian tin ceiling.  It’s going to take ages, but luckily, we have lots of time.  

There is time to take online classes to learn that language you always been wanting to learn.  You can start writing that novel you’ve always put off.  Learn knitting or finish a cross stitch.  

Finish any number of little projects that got shuffled into a corner with the advent of more pressing things.

Start painting more like you’ve been meaning to for years.  Start doing a journal or writing if you’ve been meaning to get around to that.

Find a Way to Be Helpful.

Last of all, find a way to give back to your community as you are kept safe by first responders and essential workers.  If you aren’t at risk, you could volunteer to drive for a local food bank or volunteer there in general.  You could bring groceries to neighbors.  If you are at risk, find other ways to be useful from home.  You could just be there as a listening ear for friends having a rough time.  You can get social time in and feel more connected while you help.  If you can sew and have fabric, make masks for neighbors and friends, or donate them to the local food bank or to first responders.

Keep in mind that you are doing your part, reminding yourself of this as you go crazy on your own feeling cooped up will help make it bearable.  You’re staying in precisely because YOU DO CARE about people.

Love,

Your Introvert Friend

P.S. If it all gets to be too much, it is still ok to run around your house crazily shouting for no reason.  Honestly, we will all understand.

Evidence Proves that Stay at Home IS WORKING!

The World is more connected than ever, so it's no surprise that as the Coronavirus spreads we are watching each other struggle, sicken, cry, and come together to fight the virus online.  We watch videos of New Yorkers meeting from their rooftops and balconies and Italians singing across their squares to each other.

We stay at home and the isolation is a burden to us.  We feel alone and we have no evidence that our efforts are working as we hear growing cases and death tolls on the evening news.  But it IS WORKING.  Staying home is working.

Kinsa Health has developed internet-connected thermometers through which they can track the growth rate of new fevers.  They can show you, days in advance of when the hospitals become overwhelmed by the new cases, just how fast or slow the fever rate is growing.  And Stay at Home is a success!  It's the best news we can possibly have.

We stay at home and wait fearfully thinking our efforts are not enough to save ourselves, our neighbors, our loved ones, our communities.  But it's not so.  The efforts are working.  Shutting schools, bars and restaurants has dropped the infection rate.  The growth rate of new fevers is dropping.  In San Diego County and even in LA where the concern was mounting ever faster, the growth of fever rates has dropped roughly 8%.

Health Weather Map - fevers plotted per county

Staying at home has not only stopped the growth rate it is dropping it!  We are making a difference.  We are saving lives.

Manhattan is a great example.  According to an article in the New York Times about the restrictions and fever rates, the fever readings are predicting the hospitalization rates faster than anyone else can make predictions.  This is because people start to get a fever days before they require hospital care.  And the CDC gets data from the hospital and doctors.  So these fever readings from the internet-connected Kinsa Health thermometers are giving us data two to three weeks before the CDC can.  This is huge.  In the same article the data from the thermometers has shown how fast the restrictions on people's movements can start making an impact:
"
For example, in Manhattan, reports of fevers steadily rose during early March, despite a declaration of emergency on March 7 and an order on March 12 that public gatherings be restricted to less than 500 people.

The turning point began on March 16, the day schools were closed. Bars and restaurants were closed the next day, and a stay-at-home order took effect on March 20. By March 23, new fevers in Manhattan were below their March 1 levels.

Last Friday, New York State’s own data showed the same trend that Kinsa’s fever readings had spotted five days earlier.

“People say these requirements — no restaurants, no nonessential workers — are burdensome,” he said. “And they are burdensome. But they are effective, and they are necessary. The evidence suggests that they have slowed our hospitalizations, and that is everything.”
"
- From the article in the New York Times Restrictions Are Slowing Coronavirus Infections, New Data Suggest

This is the most hopeful, and informative thing I've read in quite some time.

If you are feeling like your efforts aren't working, think again.  Evidence is being collected that our efforts are really making a difference.  We will make it through this.  Staying home started to curb the rate of infection in only three days in Manhattan.  We still have a long way to go, but we will get there.  Slowly, we will.  There is hope and with the evidence of the decline in new fevers with Stay at Home directives there is a lot more hope than before.

And if you are interested in watching the progress of new fevers declining with our Stay at Home orders, you can watch this Health Weather Map created by Kinsa Health.

Stay at Home.  Stay safe.  And keeping helping where you can.

Little Things that Surprise me Most during this Covid-19 Outbreak: Elastic Shortage and Pigeons

Everywhere you look the world has changed.  It almost feels weird when you find an aspect of your life that hasn't.  Almost nobody goes to work anymore, working from home and trying to find unique ways to do your job or keep up with your friends is now the norm.  Schools are doing distance learning.  People are cooped up indoors.  All over the world there are empty squares and streets.  And little things that nobody ever thought of are now big.  And somehow the big things we all worried about three weeks ago seem small.

My mother and I were both feeling a bit like we were useless trapped inside.  But now we are coordinating through the phone and email with a neighbor who runs a local food bank in need of masks.  Mom and I are now busily looking up patterns and sewing fabric masks to help volunteers hand out food to the people who need it.  The numbers showing up at this local food bank have swelled from 160 a day to 400.

People have lost jobs and income.  People are in need and frightened.  And we are all doing our best.  Making masks from home with scraps of fabric piled in the attic.  There is an elastic shortage.  We used all of ours and now there seems to be none anywhere.  People across the country trying to sew masks to help first-responders are using hair ties and headbands for elastic.  An elastic shortage.  I would never have guessed.

And it's the little things that keep surprising me.  I saw a post on Instagram of the pigeons in Spain flocking to the only person on the street.  Nobody is out so they have no food to scavenge.  I have never felt sorry for pigeons the way I did when I saw them desperately following this lone human, begging for food.

A small piece of my heart broke for them.  Not even the pigeons, a seeming constant in every city, are unaffected by the global pandemic that is bringing our world to a halt.

Everywhere I look I find another thing that surprises me about the way our world has changed.  It makes sense, the way that streets being empty brings the wild animals out into the cities.  But it doesn't make the world any less surprising as every day seems to bring tiny revelations of our newly altered world.

We are all doing our best.  Fashion houses in NYC as well as individuals with sewing machines are churning out masks.  We know they aren't as good as N95 and surgical masks, but they're all we have now.  And we are doing all we can.  The fact that everyone is coming together, online, through tutorials on YouTube and through Facebook's Covid-19 Support page Community Help is a bright ray of hope.

The news is now almost entirely fact driven informative pieces relaying the situation on the ground to those who need to know.  I don't see the judgemental and hateful partisan things I once did.  Legitimate problems, calls for aid, and the way that people are trying to lift one another up are in the news now.  And for the first time in years I read the news with hope.  Hope that I'll find real information.  Hope that I'll find answers to questions I have.  Hope that I'll see humanity fighting it's hardest to become better.  Because faced with a global crisis we are more than ever all connected even as we sit in our houses all alone.

Stay home.  Stay well.  Stay connected.  Continue hoping and helping.

Hope and Helpers in the Darkest Hours of Covid-19

It is hard sometimes when we live in such uncertain times to not find ourselves bogged down emotionally by the ever present threat of overwhelmingly bad news.  It is not possible to stay unaware of the threat, nor would it be wise to be totally ignorant of the coming dangers.  But how does one stay positive in such an environment?  As we watch with concern the risks our healthcare professionals are subjected to as they fight unprecedented hospitalization rates with dwindling supplies of personal protective equipment (PPE) and come to dread the daily death toll it is hard to keep from feeling anxious.

I am personally in a vulnerable category, or rather two of them.  At the moment my body is busy fighting off Lyme Disease, a battle I've been fighting for over a year now, and my immune system is already over taxed from that effort.  I am also someone with what I call weak lungs, I have asthma, and all my colds and illnesses attack my lungs and linger there far longer than other people's trifling colds.  All this makes me genuinely nervous about my ability to recover should I get Covid-19.  So, I stay home, limit my contact with the outside world and sanitize everything.  But sometimes I still stay up at night wondering about the future.

So, I've had to ban myself from reading news outside of occasionally checking on California's new measures to prevent spread and a few updates.  I can't read anything about the state of doctors, hospitals or anything else pertaining to our current health crisis at night or I won't sleep.

And I've had to implement this one very simple and seemingly effective rule.  Every time I see something that makes me worry I have to hunt down something about those people who are trying to help their fellow man through this crisis.  I can't prevent my inboxes from filling up with upsetting articles and news from concerned friends.  But I can deliberately hunt down information that restores my hope.

Mister Rogers, apparently learned from his mother to "look for the helpers" in every crisis.  If you haven't seen the new movie with Tom Hanks as Mister Rogers you should.  It's a perfect message for such days as these with darkness pouring into our world and everyone hiding indoors.  Whenever things get rough and scary, anywhere there are bad things happening, in the middle of the darkness, there you will find the helpers.  The doctors and nurses rushing in to help everyone even though they are exposing themselves.

Check out this article in the HuffPost for more on Mr. Rogers.

He advised talking about facts, not letting a child's imagination conjure up even scarier realities.  And that's a good message for those who descend into a news world designed to build hype and scare people into reading further and further with less and less information and facts.  Media often thrives on hype and emotion and facts fade away.  Don't let that become a part of your experience of this crisis.  We are stuck at home in some ways feeling very helpless in the face of a global pandemic.  While we are not all children, the feelings of helplessness and fear are universal and can be combated in much the same way you would soothe a child.  The difference being that you are soothing yourself, your own inner child.  Don't watch sensationalized news.  Remind yourself of the facts.  Tell yourself how you and all your family and neighbors are working to keep each other safe.  All look for those people who are helping in the crisis.  Focus on the hope and find ways to be a helper yourself.

Because the helpers can come in any form.  The helper can and should be you.  You may not be a doctor or nurse.  You may not be able to help in any way that you think is meaningful, but you can always do something.  The researchers at William and Mary pooled all their PPE and sent it to local hospitals to help keep doctors and nurses safe.  My mom is busily sewing fabric face masks that she'll drop on a neighbor's porch to use at the food bank.  The local food bank is overwhelmed with people who need their help, but the volunteers don't have any masks or gloves to use while they work handing out food to the public.

Two ladies who volunteer at the Old Poway Park (now closed for safety of the community) have sent round an email to all the other volunteers saying that if anyone needs help, or knows of anyone who does, they can contact the Poway Neighborhood Emergency Corps.  These two and a team of others from the community are willing to pick up groceries and run to the pharmacy for anyone who cannot, or does not wish to go out and get exposed.

And even if you can do none of those things, sharing your beauty and art with the world is enough.  The tenor Maurizio Marchini, quarantined in Firenze sang Nessun Dorma from his balcony.  And even if he can do nothing else, the fact that he shared his gorgeous voice and this song with the people who cared to listen it was enough.  All over Italy people are trying to bring joy to one another through little things.

The world is actually full of helpers.  And it is important to know the upsetting facts about the dangers we face so that we can respond appropriately by understanding what to do to keep everyone safe.  Learning about senior hours at the local grocery store and telling your elderly loved ones about it.  But as you look up the articles warning of danger also temper that understanding with hope.  Look for the helpers.  Find the hope in the darkness, where people rush in despite risks to their personal safety, where people try to bring each other joy during these hard times.

Find one good thing for every hard one you face.  If you worry about the death toll, cling to the numbers of those who have survived.  If you worry about the elderly, cling to the hope of the 101 year old Italian man who survived Corona.  If you are worried about the safety of your community, remind yourself that everywhere people are trying to help neighbors by staying home to limit infection, by making masks from scraps of fabric in the attic, and getting groceries and medicine for those who cannot risk going out.

Find how you can help make the world better.  

Don't give in to the fear and panic.  Find a way to help someone else through it all.  Be one of the helpers who gives in the fight against the global pandemic.  Maybe you can share you gifts from your balcony or through the internet.  Maybe staying home is your act of helping. 

Join us, and stand with us, as we do all do the one little thing we can to be kind, to be strong, and to survive.

In Defense of a Murder of Crows

I read an article today that denounced the phrase Murder of Crows in particular and all other "absurd" words for groups of animals. While I accept that some of these terms, venery, dating from the Middle Ages, may in fact be antiquated I had several points at which I did not agree with the article. If you are interested you may find the original article here.

"Squamish 2015-01-11 064-LR" by jamesabbott1963 is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 

The first question Mr. Nicholas Lund asks is whether anyone actually uses these terms, because he contends that he has never heard them used. I've not going to sit here and argue that everyone uses all the plural animal nouns all the time.  However, if the author has never heard any grouping words for animals used aside from flock and herd, I would say he hasn't been talking to enough people in the world. I've heard plenty of them used by real people in all seriousness including the following terms: 

· Bats: colony 

· Bees: hive, swarm 

· Camels: caravan, train, or herd 

· Crows: murder 

· Dogs: litter (of puppies), pack (in the wild), 

· Dolphins: pod 

· Geese: gaggle 

· Lions: pride 

· Porpoises: pod, school 

· Prairie dogs: colonies 

· Rabbits: colony, nest, warren 

· Whales: pod 

· Wolves: pack 

· Vipers: nest 

Now, I agree that are some incredibly odd terms for specific animals are not used in normal parlance. I admit that I've never heard someone refer to a collective group of bears as a sleuth or rhinos as a stubbornness. But then, I also don't live in a place where I run into wild groups of rhinos. If I was late to work because a group of rhinos parked themselves in the road I could reasonably call them a stubbornness because it would describe the belligerent way that they collectively made my morning more difficult. Luckily, that has never happened to me in the Southwestern United States. But I have personally referred to bees as a hive and swarm, and geese as a gaggle, and crows as a murder, and I've heard plenty of other people do so. 

A small murder perched on a wire. - "Evening chat" by -Niloy- is licensed under CC BY 2.0 

Mr. Lund tries to argue that scientists don't use them and therefore nobody really does. That's simply not an accurate sampling of the population. It might prove that scientists don't use those terms but it doesn't answer his posed question: 

Are there actual people in the real world who use special group names for certain species? Or is there just one nerd in an office somewhere with a field guide in one hand and a dictionary in the other, matching each species with a cute little term and laughing maniacally when the world collectively coos over the pairing? 

After he proves that scientists don't use terms of venery he claims that they exist only in the "world of bar trivia," where, "without real-world applications" they are "just morsels of linguistic candy rotting cavities into our scientific integrity".  I argue that trivia is not really the point of these group names. I don't argue that the terms have no scientific value. My problem is in the vehemence with which he believes the words should be removed from the English language. He proposed we replace them with bland but more scientific words like group.

No doubt calling this crow a visitor or a friend is also a transgression against the purity of scientific integrity but I like the photographer's point of view - "Crow visitor" by Fernettes is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 

Would you really say... "Oh look at this group of jellyfish on the beach"?  You'd probably at least say this whole group, or, look at all of these jellyfish or, look there's thousands of jellyfish!  Because using the word group alone is too boring and entirely lacking in descriptive power. If thousands of jellyfish were surrounding a boat that I happened to be floating in, and they were slapping into the sides with every swell of water that lapped against the edges of my boat, I would probably call them a smack in that case too. I'd probably lean over the edge watch them smack into the boat, look further out and see an endless flotilla of them and say "Oh my God there's a smack of jellyfish out here, look!" Maybe it would come out slightly differently, but I would bet you substantial money that I would not say "look a GROUP of jellyfish!" 

Language is sometimes about tone and sometimes about feeling. And you can't convey those things with the word group.  I'm not arguing that some of these other words, these terms of venery, have any scientific value.  I merely believe that they have literary and poetic value.

Could you really capture the mood and tone of this moment by describing it as a group of three crows on a  roof?  I contend that you cannot. - "Cathedral of Our Lady" by marikoen is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0 

I personally have not heard people say "a group of crows". I admit that I'm unusual and have unusual preferences, but it would stand out to me if people said group, because it would not be my preferred word for this context. I don't hear people use this. I've heard them use an exact count of the crows or the word flock, but honestly, I've heard many, many people refer to crows as a murder. Now, you could use the work flock, or group, sure. It just seems to me that most people don't do so, because it doesn't convey as much feeling. 

Is this just a crow or is this a solitary crow?  Words matter even if there is no scientific value to that distinction. - "as the crow flies" by Simon Clarke is licensed under CC BY-ND 4.0 

Let me illustrate my point by telling you about the same morning in two different ways.  Firstly, using boring, strictly factual language and then again using poetic language Mr. Lund would disapprove of. 

Version A. 

I drove to work and I arrived about a minute late and there was this group of crows in my parking spot. I was briefly worried about hitting them while I parked, but I was also late. They scattered. Then I went inside and remembered it was my 90 day review. 

Version B. 

I drove to work this morning and arrived about a minute late. As I pulled into the parking lot there was a murder of crows waiting for me in my normal spot. I was ONLY a minute late but I was afraid to run over them, and then again, I was already late, so I hesitated briefly. I had this ominous feeling as their dark wings took to the sky and then I remembered as I looked over my shoulder at them on the way into the building that today was my 90 day review. 

Which version of my story conveys more of my internal emotional goings on? The one where I say group of crows and leave it to strict facts? There is nothing scientific about either story, but the story that contains the offensive "linguistic candy rotting cavities into our scientific integrity" is actually a much better story about my morning and how I felt about it. And despite his assertions, my poetic story has done no damage to any actual scientific integrity. 

If I called this a flurry of crows you would know what I meant, even if it's not the accepted collective noun for crows. - "as the crow flies" by Simon Clarke is licensed under CC BY-ND 4.0 

Another of his points is that these terms, being that they only exist in the world of bar trivia, could easily be replaced with more interesting and scientific facts. He is right in a way. Trivia could be more interesting and scientific (such as the shape of wombat poop). However, the way that I use the terms for different animals is not in a field of trivia, it's in how I actually describe things in my world. And I would personally much rather have a poetic discussion about the things I actually see and experience in the world than a factual one about the shape of wombat fecal matter, regardless of how unusual it may be. Sorry, Mr. Lund, I think replacing venery with fecal facts is simply not the way to go. 

Then there is the point in which he mentions that "I just don’t see enough groups of other animals to need more words". Mr. Lund, I am ashamed. You don't see any other animals than cows and birds?  You seriously don't need any other words than herd and flock?  Scientist, lifelong birder, or not, if he doesn't see enough groups of other animals to need other words than flock, herd, and group, I suggest he doesn't see enough animals. Or perhaps he does and he is simply not using English in an interesting enough way. Does he call dogs in a plural form a herd or a group?  Does he refer to swarms of bees as groups?  He can continue doing as he chooses of course. But I think his language is lacking if he uses strictly and only the words, flock, herd and group for all animals that he sees or talks about.

He concedes that "certain terms of venery have made the transition from factoid to actual phrase. Pod of whales. Troop of monkeys. Gaggle of geese. Pack of wolves."  That almost makes this article worse for me.  It seems to me that Mr. Lund is saying, you can use terms that don't irritate me, but if it irritates me I will say that you are morally corrupting our scientific integrity with your choice of words.  Do tell, Mr. Lund, when does something gain enough strength in popularity for you to deem it an "actual phrase" and allow us, in your great magnanimity to use it as part of the English language?

I will now concede that I personally think some of the terms are silly.  I do not see why anyone would refer to a roiling mass of rattlesnakes as a rhumba, I think it disgraces the dance and does not adequately convey the horror of such a mass of snakes.  I might even ask someone why they thought that was a good word for it, after I'd run a sufficiently safe distance from said coil of snakes.  But I think it's more a transgression against poetry than it is against science.  I don't need to know or have ever heard anyone refer to rattlesnakes as a rhumba to know that they are referring to a plurality of snakes I don't want to be near.  That's the thing about terms of venery, they mostly denote collective nouns rather than a single rattlesnake.  And I don't have to know or agree with the term to understand what is being conveyed. 

"Caw!" by molajen is licensed under CC BY 2.0 

All of this aside, I clearly disagree with Mr. Lund, but he may do as he likes.  He is entitled to his opinions of the proper way to use English terms, however much I disagree with them. However, he continues with his article and he takes it one step too far for me. 

At the end of his article he is clearly worked up about the sort of people who try to rot our collective scientific integrity with such linguistic candy. He says that the next time someone tells him a term of venery he will respond with: 

“Did you know anyone who believes that is part of a ‘gaggle of gullibles’?" 

Telling people they are gullible for using a term you don't like is technically neither true nor nice. Mr. Lund could say they are foolish, or perhaps sentimental, but he doesn't appear to have the aptitude for understanding how to use words that he deems too whimsical. Or, for that matter, patience for anyone who is not on his wavelength of morally upstanding scientific integrity.

Don't get me wrong, I am by no means perfect.  I have my particular veiwpoints that I defend with more vehemence than necessary.  I will own that there are words I simply hate.  I am fairly certain, however, that I have never told anyone they are gullible for using a real word that I hate.  I just cringe a little and try to move on.  

People who use words and phrases you don't like are not gullible.  They would only be gullible, Mr. Lund, if they believed you when and if you responded to them with made up terms of venery, as you did at the start of your article, specifically to mock them. I'm afraid, however, that to deliberately mislead them and mock them for things that are not false, simply not to your liking, would cost you your moral high ground, your scientific integrity, and lastly, Sir, I'm afraid, that if you do that intentionally, you're just being an ass. A solitary one.

A rather solitary, moody-looking fellow.  I think he is pontificating on some point dear to his heart. - "Gangsta Crow" by www.charlesthompsonphotography.com is licensed under CC BY 2.0 

My Phlebotomist and My Living Metaphor Morning

This morning I woke up and everything was as though I was living in a metaphor come to life.

How to begin?  Let's see, I've been having a bunch of tests run.  So, this latest one involved a mobile blood draw person who came to my house.  Modern technology being what it is, my personal, mobile phlebotomist showed up this morning and promptly got lost.  He called me from nearby, unsure of how to find me.  In his defense many people get lost on the way to my house.  They see the dirt driveway and assume it can't be mine and call from the road confused.

So I woke up and got a phone call that went something like this.
"Hello?"
"Hi, this is your phlebotomist"
"Hi"
"I'm trying to find you.  Are you at the construction?"
"Ah, no, I'm one driveway further up the hill.  I'm the dirt driveway right before the giant rock and the gate is open for you."

I then went out to meet him, but let me digress for a moment.  How hilarious is this idea?  Can you imagine if I was working a construction job and I called my personal mobile phlebotomist to come out to the construction site?  Because I'm now imagining that I'm a massive lumberjack looking man, wearing jeans and a flannel shirt, wearing a hardhat and having my blood drawn in one arm while I jackhammer one handed with the other.  Or smoke constantly with the cigarette between my teeth while I bend rebar with one hand and my phlebotomist ties a little elastic cord around my other beefy arm.  I think it's a hilarious mental image.

I can just imagine these guys having their blood drawn while working, can't you? - "F-327-CVFriant Dam Construction" by Bureau of Reclamation is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 

Ok, now back to what actually happened this morning.

So he sets up and it seems that phlebotomists, not unlike dentists, tend to fill the silence with a bit of chatter.  The distinct upside being that you can actually talk and reply in this scenario.  He asked about my job, I said I was working in a museum.  He asked what I do.  I said I was a glorified secretary but I was staying in the history field since I was a history major.  And he began talking about how much he loves his job and how much that makes a difference.  Do what you love he says, and it won't matter how little the money is.  And then I look at my arm, in this living metaphor, feeling very much like he's implying that NOT doing what you love is to have the life literally drained out of you.

And then he started talking about how you just have to be open to opportunities.  That sometimes things are just first steps and you never know what will come from it.  That it's important for me to work in a museum and be open to the possibilities that can flow from there.  Again I look at my arm as he continues to fill vials.  Once a door is open, things flow through.  Maybe it was just the blood loss, but it all felt very surreal and dream-like.

"Don't quit your day dream" by Lindsay_Silveira is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0 

Then we were all done.  He pet my dogs and said you could tell they were happy.  He said when he was little he wanted to be a dog and his dad told him, "you don't want to be a dog, you want to live life like a dog".  And with that last bit of wisdom, my phlebotomist departed.

So, there I was contemplating my mobile phlebotomist wisdom of the day.  Such a nice man.  And I ate breakfast and felt tired and I decided, no offense to my phlebotomist, who was amazing, that the world is full of bloodsuckers (metaphorical you know) and with that I went back to bed for an hour before work.